Joey: No, no. He said "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?"
Ross: Wow!
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
Ross: 'Kay, wait a minute, are you sure she didn't say "When are you gonna grow up and realise I am your mom?"
Joey: That makes more sense.
Ross: So, what's going on now?
Joey: I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it out for you! (Goes back to the door) I don't hear anything. Oh, wait, wait, wait. (Looks through the spyhole)
Ross: Whaddya see?
Joey: Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down. Wait, wait. They're walking away... they're walking away... No, no they're not, they're coming right at us! Run! Run!
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)
Mrs. Bing: You okay, kiddo?
Chandler: Yeah, okay.
Mrs. Bing: Alright. (Kisses him)
Chandler: Nice save.
(She walks down the hall)
Ross: (Very politely) Mrs. Bing.
Mrs. Bing: Mr. Geller.
(She leaves)
(Ross knocks on Monica and Rachel's door)
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: You mean that?
Chandler: Yeah, why not. (They shake hands) So I told her.
Ross: Yeah? How'd it go?
Chandler: Awful. Awful. Couldn'ta gone worse.
Ross: Well, howdya feel?
Chandler: Pretty good! I told her.
Ross: Well, see? So, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, y'know, me kissing your mom, uh? Huh? (Wags his finger at Chandler, then puts it down) But.. we don't have to go down that road.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is handing out copies of her book to the gang.]
Rachel: Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'.
Monica: What's a 'niffle'?
Joey: You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'.
Rachel: Alright, alright, so I'm not a great typist...
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Rachel: Alright, that's it! Give it back! That's it!
All: Nooo!
End________________________________________
112 The One With the Dozen Lasagnes
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
Chandler: No-no-no-no, we're done.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone in the kitchen.]
Monica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.
(Camera moves to Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey sitting in living room)
Joey: Ross, did you really read all these baby books?
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)
Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces)
Chandler: And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets yogurt down on table)
Phoebe: (softly) Sorry. (Camera pans back to Monica, still on phone)
Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?
